The Tale of the Book
by nhi.xo
Summary: Captain Hook harasses Emma, Charming messages Snow, and Rumpelstiltskin's now in a relationship with Belle. Magic brings the book, Facebook.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Once Upon A Time does not belong to me.

* * *

**The Tale of the Book**

**Killian Jones** has just joined Facebook.

Comments:

**Emma Swan:** what are you up to, hook?

**Killian Jones:** how lovely of you to be the first one to welcome me, love. I'm quite flattered.

**Ruby Red: **OMG, it's him! ;)

**Emma Swan:** not the right time, Red

**Ruby Red:** It's Captain Hook! :D

**Killian Jones:** It seems that I have a new fan. Jealous, Emma?

**Killian Jones:** There's always room for a beautiful lass like you.

**Emma Swan:** not happening

**:Prince Charming, Snow White,** and 4 others like this.

**Snow White: **we'd be fine without the extra mouth to feed, hook.

**Killian Jones:** I'd much prefer if Emma fed me instead. ;D

**Emma Swan:** god, when I find you...

**Killian Jones:** I can only imagine what lustful things could happen. I'll be waiting, Ms. Swan. :)

o

**Mr. Gold and Belle** are now in a relationship.

Comments:

**Ruby Red:** I knew it would happen at some point or another!

**:Emma Swan, Snow White,** and 28 others like this.

**Grumpy: **I give it one week.

**Killian Jones:** spectacular, now all I need to do is find you two...

**Mr. Gold:** Back off, pirate.

**Killian Jones:** make me, crocodile.

**Mr. Gold:** Oh, I'll make you alright.

**Belle:** Rumpel, what did I tell you earlier!?

**Mr. Gold:** that you loved me with all your heart

**Belle:** no. I said for you to stop arguing with Captain Hook

**Killian Jones:** you should listen to the lass, Rumpelstiltskin. it'd be much easier if you just let your guard down so I could swoop in and ruin you. ;)

**Emma Swan:** stop threatening people, Hook. I've got my eye on you.

**Killian Jones:** only one? I thought I'd never be worthy of your gorgeous stare, love.

**Emma Swan:** seriously, I've never met anyone more

**Killian Jones:** handsome? tempting? utterly undeniable?

**Emma Swan:** annoying.

**Mr. Gold:** will you two stop littering your comments all over my wall?

o

**Aurora and Mulan** have joined Facebook.

**Aurora and Mulan** are now friends.

**Mulan** BRB TTYL GTG WTF what do all these mean?

Comments:

**Ruby Red: **be right back, talk to you later, got to go, what the fuck**  
**

**Ruby Red: **are you learning how to text?

**Ruby Red:** ...mulan? :o

**Mulan:** ...

**Mulan:** this is not worth my time**  
**

o

Instant Messaging

**Prince Charming** I'm going to catch you and send you to prison

**Prince Charming** just wait til I find you

**Snow White** and why on earth would you want to do THAT?

**Prince Charming** sorry, hun. I meant to send that to Hook.

**Snow White** like I couldn't tell.

**Snow White** you're eating dinner alone tonight

**Prince Charming** ;(

o

**Henry Mills** has just joined Facebook.

Comments:

**Regina Mills:** Henry!

**Emma Swan:** henry, what are you doing here?!

**Killian Jones** and 3 others like this.

**Henry Mills:** you said that I couldn't join Facebook, so I got Captain Hook to make me an account.

**Prince Charming:** you SPOKE to him!? where'd he go?

**Mr. Gold** likes this.

**Henry Mills:** umm...I just saw him at the docks.

**Prince Charming:** I'll get you.

**Killian Jones:** woops, sorry mate. gtg

o

Instant Messaging

**Emma Swan** has anyone see Charming lately?

**Snow White** he's looking for Hook.

**Emma Swan** did he catch him?

**Snow White** not yet. that bitch of a pirate is harder to find than we thought.

**Prince Charming** I bet Regina had something to do with this.

**Regina Mills** you think I'm responsible for all the bad things in town, Charming.

**Snow White** there you are! how's the chase going?

**Killian Jones** if you're asking about the chase for Emma's heart, all is well. I think she's just hiding her true feelings from me.

**Emma Swan** I'm going to kill you, Hook.

**Killian Jones** you'll have to find me first, love.

o

**Cora and Killian Jones** are now friends.

**Cora** has anyone seen my daughter?

**Cora** I need to speak with her...

**Cora** in private..

Comments:

**Regina Mills:** Privacy is the last thing you'll get here, Mother.

* * *

Any thoughts? ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Emma Swan** someone, help!

o

Instant Messaging

**Henry Mills **if Belle ever married you, would she be Mrs. Gold or Mrs. Silver?

**Mr. Gold** She'd be able to choose whatever name she wanted.

**Henry Mills** but would it have to be a metal? like Mrs. Darmstadtium

**Mr. Gold** ...

**Mr. Gold** Henry, where is your mother?

**Henry Mills** which one? I think Regina's trying to plant another apple tree in her yard right now, and Emma's off having dinner with Captain Hook.

**Mr. Gold** dinner with the pirate?

**Henry Mills** Ruby

**Mr. Gold** Ah.

o

**Ruby Red** sooo, how'd it go!? :D I want all the details.

Comments:

**Snow White:** not too well, I think Regina's yard has too much evil in it.

**Mr. Gold:** my sympathies, not

**:Grumpy, Jefferson, Mr. Gold,** and 41 others like this.

**Regina Mills:** or perhaps it's the vile seeds you gave me yesterday. Why are there so many likes?

**Cora:** It runs in the family, dear. Your grandparents and I have never been green thumbs.

**Ruby Red:** I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT! I'm talking about Emma's date with _him_!

**Snow White:** who's him?

**Ruby Red:** take a guess! :D

**Snow White:** HOOK?

**:Prince Charming** and 3 others likes this.

**Killian Jones:** you sound so surprised. it would've happened eventually.

**Snow White:** I really doubt Emma would have an interest in you.

**Killian Jones:** your doubt weakens my heart

**Snow White:** like you have a heart, hook

**Emma Swan:** Cora probably took it.

**Killian Jones: **there's only one person that could have my heart :)

o

**Prince Charming **hook

Comments:

**Aurora:** line and sinker!

**Mulan:** Aurora, I believe he is referring to the man.

**Killian Jones:** and how may I be of service, your majesty?

**Prince Charming:** where are you, hook

**Killian Jones:** where am I?

**Prince Charming:** answer the question

**Killian Jones:** I'm anywhere your precious daughter may be.

**Emma Swan:** He has an unhealthy obsession with me.

**Killian Jones**: call it what you want, love

**Prince Charming:** It'll come to an end soon

**Prince Charming:** Hook, I'm warning you. if you come anywhere near my daughter, I'll

**Killian Jones:** you'll do what? Unfortunately, you still haven't exactly _found_ me yet, mate.

**Prince Charming:** I'll find you eventually.

**Killian Jones:** I'll be counting the days..

**Snow White: **wow...I didn't even know you could count. I thought otherwise. :)

**Prince Charming** likes this.

**Emma Swan:** I appreciate what you two are doing, but will you stop ganging up on him?

**Killian Jones:** I'm so touched, Emma...

**Snow White:** she's been brainwashed for sure.

**Prince Charming:** It's Regina's doing.

**Regina Mills: **as I have said many times before, I am not responsible for all the wrongs in this town, Charming.

**Prince Charming:** more like 95% of the time you are

o

Instant Messaging

**Henry Mills **mom

**Emma Swan** hey, kiddo

**Henry Mills** So I was thinking lately...and...you know my birthday's coming up..

**Emma Swan** and?

**Emma Swan** You wanted that cool rocketship, right?

**Henry Mills** no. well. yeah. but..wouldn't that mean double the presents with Regina?

**Emma Swan** Henry, it's not all about the presents. You know that.

**Henry Mills **but Rumpelstiltskin told me it was.

**Emma Swan** don't believe him

**Emma Swan** ever

**Henry Mills** but

o

**Archie Hopper **free family therapy for all tonight. the following are HIGHLY recommended to attend: Emma Swan, Prince Charming, Snow White, Cora, Regina Mills**  
**

Comments:

**Mr. Gold:** hahaha. accurate list, grasshopper

**Belle:** Archie, if you have any room, I'd like Rumpelstiltskin and I to attend as well.

**Mr. Gold:** Belle...with those people!?

**Emma Swan:** thanks, Gold.

**Henry Mills:** Hey! what about me?!

**Emma Swan:** you make it sound like we're a mess, Archie

**Snow White:** do we really have problems?

**Prince Charming:** Cora and Regina, I can understand, but us? no clue

**Regina Mills:** Archie, I can assure you that my mother and I do not need any kind of therapy.

**Archie Hopper:** have you read all your actions lately? Emma's been focused on escaping from Captain Hook, Charming's been focused on finding Captain Hook, and Snow's been...Snow

**Snow White:** so I need therapy for being myself?

**Archie Hopper:** I shall meet you five later on during the day. don't be late!


End file.
